Life in Beta

Every year I promise myself I’ll take time to be more aware of the slow, subtle change of the autumn leaves. Every year I forget, and it seems like Mother Nature flips a switch and overnight I suddenly become aware that there aren’t any green leaves left in sight.

This year, finally, is different.

Nearly this whole year has been different, actually. Ever since I returned home to Pennsylvania in April, I’ve noticed so many tiny things that always escaped my senses in the past.

All summer long, I enjoyed the smell of fresh cut grass. Fresh cut grass in Nashville smelled terrible, due to all the wild onions growing in everyones’ yards. (I’m not kidding, and I hate onions.) Here, the grass smells sweet and damp and fresh. I hadn’t realized how much I missed it till I smelled the difference.

Now I’m enjoying the sights and scents as Pennsylvania enters autumn. The nights are getting cooler, the skies are bright and clear, and I’m finally seeing the endless star-filled night sky that I so missed in the city.

A few nights ago, I came home late and as I got out of the car, I took a deep breath and discovered the air actually had a floral scent. Though there are no flowers in bloom, the air smelled like a light, natural perfume. It was awesome, in the true definition of the word.

It’s so good to be home.

Once upon a zillion years ago, when I was a kid, my parents had a ugly plaid hand-me-down couch. When they had the opportunity, they got rid of that couch and replaced it with a newer, more stylish version. According to my mother, I pitched a fit over it. I cried and begged them to keep the ugly plaid one. I just couldn’t deal with the change. I like familiar. I like comforting. Even if it’s ugly and plaid.

I got the news yesterday afternoon. I got the job.

I’m going home.

I was excited to call my parents and grandmother to tell them I was moving home. They were overjoyed. My friends back home were thrilled at my news too.

However, I also had to break the news to my friends here in Tennessee. And today came the task of telling my boss and coworkers who are, for the record, the most amazing people I’ve ever had the pleasure to have worked with.

I just hadn’t anticipated that in the three years I’ve been here, that Tennessee would ever come to feel this much like home to me, or that my friends here would become every bit as much family as my blood relatives are.

I’ve been on the verge of tears more times than I’d like to admit. There are so many people here that I care so very much about — probably more than those people will ever know — and I’m going to miss them terribly.

But, it’s a new chapter in my life.

My hometown was definitely the plaid couch. (I’d never call it ugly, but perhaps a bit dated and certainly set in its ways.) Three years ago, I moved to Nashville kicking and screaming. I knew it was going to be good for me, but it was scary and new and I didn’t want to face it. But I wasn’t given a choice and I got through it. Now life in Nashville has become broken-in and comfortable, and here I am returning to trusty ol’ plaid Erie, PA.

It should be a comfortable transition, right?

But maybe it’s me that’s changed. The plaid couch, though familiar, just doesn’t feel the same way it once did. I don’t know where I fit. I guess maybe that’s the part that’s most scary. I want home, but does home want me? I know exactly what my niche is here in my little part of Nashville. I don’t know where to even begin carving out my niche back home. I know I can’t step back into the old life I had there — I can’t and I wouldn’t want to.

Then again, that’s the exciting part too. I’m a new woman. This is a new start. I just can’t believe how fast it’s come along. I guess my only option is to just let the adventure begin…

The first thought in my mind when I woke up this morning was, “Thank God it’s 2010.” I don’t know why that was my first thought … but it was. And I’m happy. It’s also a beautiful, sunny day. Couldn’t ask for a better start to the new year.

I decided to observe one New Year’s tradition this year …

Pork roast and sauerkraut is a Pennsylvania Dutch (German) tradition for New Year’s day. It’s supposed to bring good luck and prosperity for the year ahead. The sauerkraut/cabbage is representative of money and is combined with pork because pigs always root ahead (moving forward, making progress).

My mother has always cooked pork and sauerkraut for New Year’s day. I’ve never been a fan of the sauerkraut itself. The texture of cooked cabbage just … ick. But the flavor of the pork cooked in the sauerkraut juices?! YUM!!

… Plus, I figure I can use all the good luck I can get for 2010. We all could.

What are your New Year’s traditions?

Like many weekends, I got my sleep-schedule completely turned around and I was up till 3 a.m. last night. Needless to say, my brain isn’t quite working at full-capacity yet. So today’s update will be bullet-points…

• I’m going home in five days. FIVE DAYS, ya’ll!
• Did I mention that I’m driving home to Erie, Pennsylvania — otherwise known as the icy tundra? The land of LAKE EFFECT snow! Oh what fun. (That photo was taken looking off my mom’s back porch on 12/11.)
• I haven’t driven in snow since 2006. This could be interesting.
• I’m not looking forward to 11-hours of driving…
• But it’s worth it. I get to see my family and several old friends who are coming home for the holidays as well. Yay!
• I have a lot to do in the meantime. Car needs an oil change and to be cleaned out, I need to pack, etc. etc.
• My Christmas shopping is DONE. How’s yours coming along?
• My Christmas knitting, however, is still in-process. As usual, I bit off a bit too much. (But it wouldn’t be ME and wouldn’t be Christmas if I didn’t!)

Annnnd… now I shall return to caffeinateing my system. (Thank goodness for Starbucks!) Happy Monday!