Life in Beta

The following is the culmination of some thoughts that have been rolling around in my head for over a year. I suppose I don’t take it all as seriously as it might seem — but I do think we owe it to the upcoming generation of girls and young women to set a better example than the one being portrayed Bad Girl’s Club or Jersey Shore. Anyway, agree or disagree, but please be respectful. (And don’t worry, I do have a sense of humor.) My ultimate purpose was to inspire and uplift — not to judge — and to remind women your greatest power comes from within your heart.

Young women walk around proudly wearing tshirts that proclaim them to be a b*tch. Meredith Brooks glorified it in a song. (For the record, it’s a catchy tune and I do like it.) Women talk about a “night out with my b*tches” …

When did labeling yourself a b*tch become a badge of honor?

(source)

Apparently I missed the memo, but when did being a b*tch become synonomous with being a strong, independent woman? When did it become more acceptable (and even preferable!?) to be feared for your b*tchiness than it is to be respected for your compassion and intellegence?

I’m grateful to live in a time and place where there are so many examples strong, influential women to look up to. Wives and mothers finally receive some of the credit due to them for the hard work they do every day. People are starting to realize that it’s equally as admirable for a woman to be a stay-at-home-mother as it is for her to be a CEO. Women are free to choose family, career, or both. There are women working in pretty much every industry, and female-owned businesses are booming. It’s exciting and inspiring!

So why do some women proudly wear the label “b*tch” or call their fellow women – ones they count as their friends – their “b*tches”? Is it no longer a derogetory word?

Bad Girl’s Club: Glorifying bad attitudes and poor anger management skills, one trainwreck season at a time!

I’m not a b*tch. I do not want to BE anyone’s b*tch. Does that make me any less strong or independent? Most certainly not!

It seems women tend to achieve their power in one of two primary ways: (1) through grace, dignity, and compassion that wins the admiration and respect of their friends, family, and coworkers, OR (2) through being a b*tch who gets results through fear and bullying rather than respect.

Why do so many girls and women choose the latter option? It’s the easy way out. It’s much easier to pitch a fit and get your way. It’s much easier to make demands. It’s much easier to use excuses. It’s much easier to get the results you want because others know you’ll fly off the handle if you don’t get your way. But is that the right way to get results? Are you really being respected? Most importantly, is that the type of person you really want to BE?

Lovely. I bet your mom is really proud, too. (source)

I look to my great grandmother’s generation (or perhaps a somewhat romanticized notion of it): Women who were primarily homemakers or perhaps worked part-time outside the home. To the untrained eye they might seem fragile, feminine, and meek in their house-dresses and aprons, but a great many of these women were forces to be reckoned with! Their power was not derived from being loud, mean, or tyranical, but by being strong, compassionate, and brilliant. As the saying goes, “Behind every good man there is a great woman” — these were those women!

I don’t really think of myself as a feminist. Working as a developer in the IT industry, I am well aware that I’m a minority and that I have feminists to thank for my career even being an option. For that, I’m grateful. I’m also thankful to have come from a line of very strong women — none of whom could be labelled a b*tch, yet they were/are good at getting what they want in life!

(source)

I tend to subscribe to subdued feminism: If you want to get ahead, be respected, and be successful, do it with grace and confidence, but not a “b*tchy” attitude. Use charm, but not your “womanly wiles”. Use compassion to win the hearts of others, who will respect and admire you as a result. Give credit and compliments freely and frequently where they are due, and they will come back to you and reflect on who you are personally and professionally. The way to get ahead in life is to be loved, admired, and respected — not feared.

Negativity only breeds negativity; putting the work of others’ down will only bring you down in the end. In authoritative positions, you will never inspire the best in others by being intimidating or overly critical; instead, be encouraging, be supportive, and take time to celebrate milestones achieved along the way.

(source)

Moreover, PLEASE ladies, STOP condoning the use of the word “b*tch”! Do not wear it as a badge of honor. Do not call people who are supposedly your friends “your b*tches”. You’re doing a disservice to your gender.

If you’re someone who proudly calls yourself a “b*tch”, don’t be afraid to let the word go. That label holds you back; it does not empower you. Being kind, compassionate and vulnerable enough to connect with other people on the most basic levels will NOT make you any less strong. Quite the opposite, actually…